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Looking Ahead
Better Together |
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By Greg and Tonya Orr
Co-Pastors, Grafton Road Church of God Morgantown, WV |
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A well-known proverb that many have heard and used when discussing marriage is: Two heads are better than one. As married co-pastors, we agree with this proverb since we feel that we are better together as a couple than we would ever be individually. However, we have discovered that the best way to describe our approach to co-pastoring is best summed up by a verse from the Bible—Ecclesiastes 4:12 (NLT version)—“A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.”
We both wholeheartedly agree that it is of utmost importance for God to be the center of our marriage. Therefore, it is imperative as co- pastors and spouses, that we each be fully surrendered and committed to serving God supremely. With an approach focused on God and teamwork, we have come to understand that the “team” concept is truly what has kept us focused and grounded as spouses who work together.
Becoming a Team Before we were ever involved in full time ministry, we were a young married couple in search of God’s plans for our lives together. Our desire was to develop a strong marriage that would withstand all of life’s challenges. Following the Biblical principle of “leaving and cleaving” helped us become a true team as husband and wife. It was crucial not to allow outside voices to influence our decisions, and to stand together as a unified front. We wanted to make sure that our problem solving processes and decision making were based on what we felt God was saying to us, not what mattered to others. Therefore, we decided to only pursue the answers that we both felt were divinely inspired. If one of us didn’t have peace/confirmation, we didn’t make the decision at that time. We prayed and researched our options and continued to work together on a solution that we felt was God’s best for us.
Over the past 19 years, this process has served us well. We continue to make decisions using this principle, both as a married couple and as co-pastors. One common question we receive as co-pastors is, “Who gets to make the final decision?” Our answer is quite simple: God does! Supporting each other, we seek to find His will in every situation. We believe these practices have helped us become true teammates in life and ministry.
As teammates, a co-pastoring team must be comprised of selfless people who share a common vision. There is no room for personal agendas and egos. Celebrating our individual differences allows us to take the lead in areas of our personal giftedness. Instead of being threatened by the talents of the other, we allow those talents to shine and develop as the Holy Spirit guides. We are thankful for our teammate and we appreciate each other’s contributions and strengths. Having different perspectives based on gender and personal experiences is something we capitalize on and enjoy. This facilitates better decision making and problem solving.
Many times we are asked if it is hard to determine who preaches on a Sunday and how we decide to rotate in and out. Many times people assume there is a struggle and competition for pulpit time. However, it truly has never been an issue for us. We always pray and make these choices with the primary objective of determining what is best for the church at that time based on God’s leading. If one of us has been studying and feels strongly like the timing is right for a certain sermon or series, the other easily gives precedence to the other and even studies alongside them to be available should the need arise. There is plenty of preaching to go around and the goal is to ultimately please God.
Using our personal strengths and individual talents is not a source of contention for us. Rather, it is a way for us to navigate difficult decisions by relying on the experiences, strengths and talents we each possess. These attributes guide us as we determine which person should take the lead in any given situation as co-pastors.
For example, we have found that each has areas in the church that each is more equipped to handle because of our personalities, educational background and life experiences. This affords us the opportunity to lead or support, depending on our strengths and weaknesses. In this way, we are ultimately more successful as a team.
Maintaining the Team You have heard it said that a team is only as strong as its weakest link. We have found this to be accurate in our lives and ministry. It is of utmost importance that we each take time daily to study, pray and meditate on God’s Word. If we don’t take this individual time, we find that the team suffers and communication breaks down. You cannot neglect your own walk with God, especially during difficult seasons of ministry. The devil is always seeking to destroy marriages, families and churches and would certainly take great delight in destroying a co-pastoring team comprised of spouses.
An example of this would be the following: Greg is bi-vocational and works full time as a power lineman/foreman, which makes our schedules unpredictable. Therefore, if he is supposed to speak on a certain Sunday and his other work commitments interfere, I am then required to preach at a moment’s notice. This can prove to be quite stressful and possibly create tension if we are not prepared for it. So, personal daily study is the best weapon to combat this problem. We need it for our own personal growth and for the growth of the church.
One way we maintain our team is through communication development. This is achieved by setting aside time daily and weekly to talk uninterrupted. Usually, this is in the early morning or late evening hours, when our two children are asleep. During this time we discuss any personal/professional issues or concerns, scheduling conflicts, sermon series, study reflections, prayer requests, etc. This helps us stay connected and what we like to call “being on the same page.” We have found when we are too busy or neglect these conversations, we are more stressed, more prone to misunderstandings, and ultimately weaker as teammates and pastors.
Finally, we maintain and strengthen our team and marriage by “feeding” together spiritually. This means we attend Christian conferences for pastors/leaders, watch other ministers’ sermon DVD’s, and read books pertaining to our spiritual walk and leadership skills. We are always trying to improve and grow and we know that if we put in the effort to do so that God is always faithful to bless.
Protecting the Team Marriage and co-pastoring are both fulfilling and demanding. Maintaining boundaries and limiting access by others are protective measures that are essential to protecting our marriage and ministry. We have learned through the years that it is best to be proactive instead of reactive when safeguarding our relationship. We discuss and talk through possible issues before they arise, so that we already have a plan in place when the situation presents itself. It is easier to work through issues when we are both calm and collected, instead of waiting until the heat of the moment.
Additionally, we protect each other and our relationship while preaching. Our concern is that sharing too much of our personal lives could negatively affect our marriage. If we don’t prioritize our personal relationship with God and our marriage/family above being pastors, we end up hurting and endangering the most precious parts of our lives. We constantly strive to balance and protect these important areas as we navigate as co-pastors.
A few ways we pursue this protection are: date nights, reading books on marriage, and having conversations solely about us, not about our kids or about ministry. Without a plan for protection, a co-pastoring couple is susceptible to jealousy, envy, resentment and many other negative side effects. We are thankful that God has helped us realize the importance of protection and has given us a great support system (grandparents, other relatives, and close friends) that allows us to have quality time as a couple.
It is our desire to continue to pursue God’s best in our marriage and ministry. We feel that God has uniquely joined us together to serve in His Kingdom as co-pastors. This joining does not in any way diminish our individuality or giftedness. Instead, we enjoy, celebrate and learn from each other. By becoming a team, maintaining the team, and protecting the team, we have discovered with God’s help that we are truly “better together.”
Why does the Church of God Movement Ordain Women to the Ministry of Preaching? By Charles E. Brown in The Apostolic Church, pp. 165-166
Any unbiased reader of the New Testament may easily convince himself that for the Christians of the first century the movement of the Spirit of God was the supreme authority in all the work of the church. Throughout the ages the Apostle Paul has been cited as authority for denying to women the right to preach the gospel; but can we ever forget that it was the Apostle himself who canceled prejudice and privilege for all times in the Christian democracy by the memorable words, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus”?
Certainly Paul was aware of the fact that women had possessed the prophetic spirit and fulfilled the prophetic office in the Old Testament time and time again. (See Ex. 15:20; Judges 4:4; 2 Kings 22:14; 2 Chron. 34:22; Neh. 6:14.) And in the New Testament a prophetic woman is introduced at the very beginning of the gospel story (Luke 2:36). It would be a strange thing if women should share in the privileges of the prophetic gifts and office throughout the whole Old Testament era and be denied that privilege with the dawning of the brighter day of Christianity.
. . . let us remember that to preach and to prophesy are the same thing. The term “prophesy” meant “preaching” in the English language in the age when the Authorized Version [the KJV] was made. That it meant preaching in New Testament times is abundantly evident from the words of Paul, “He that prophesieth speaketh unto men to edification, and exhortation, and comfort” (1 Cor. 14:3).
The Christian minister who speaks to edification, exhortation, and comfort is therefore prophesying in that act, and in doing so he is a prophet. Many of the modern English translations render the term “prophesying” as “inspired preaching.”
In 1 Cor. 11:5 the Apostle writes: “But every woman that prayeth or prophesieth with her head uncovered dishonoreth her head.” This passage amounts to an acknowledgment that women did pray and prophesy in public . . . .
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