Difficult Decisions

Text Box:           The Enlarged Pastors’ Fellowship Steering Committee in a Planning Session 2015 gave instruction, in form of a request to the Prophetic Voice Committee, to draft a fundamental guidelines document for  Initial Procedures  should an event arise in which a Homosexual couple should demonstrate interest in becoming a part of that local congregation.  The following is our effort to meet that request.   How Should the Church Handle A Gay Couple If They Were To Attend Your Congregation?             Both Christians and non-Christians seem bewildered by this issue.  It threatens to exacerbate an ever-deepening divide within the church community.  In an effort to write this paper I have checked and read from a number of sources, some of whom had previously been involved with homosexual relationships. One such source describes   himself as an “unassuming, laid back and non-confrontational person.”   Until ten years ago he was immersed in a homosexual lifestyle before Jesus found him and he yielded to the Lord.  He now counsels individuals and family members of those who are struggling with their sexual identity and as such he has first-hand knowledge of the complexity of this issue.           In his opinion, he believes the first question Christians need to find out about someone who attends their church and is involved in a homosexual lifestyle is where they are in their relationship with Christ.  A candid discussion should be conducted along this line.  The majority of men and women who are involved in homosexuality don’t want anything to do with church and they will not be shy about telling you so.  However, the ones who make an effort to come to church are looking for answers and it is the faith community’s responsibility as Christians to help them.  The approach we take will in all probability make the difference in whether they pursue looking for answers or turn away from Christ and the church. 


Text Box:           The first thing any Christian should do when someone walks into church is greet them warmly and welcome them to God’s house.  We all were unsaved at one time and needed a home.   Without exception, everyone I read after or checked with agreed that taking a compassionate and humble approach is especially important for those who fall into this homosexual dilemma and who make the decision to attempt to attend  church.  Many, if not most, involved in homosexuality have been scarred by the church or carry painful memories of prior experiences associated with Christianity.            The most important suggestion offered was that the church should take the time to talk with them and listen to their story and where they are with the Lord.  But let me hasten to add that everyone agreed that at some point, the issue of sin has to be addressed in an appropriate manner, especially if they want to become involved in the life of that congregation.  As far as the couple who is engaged in a homosexual relationship, the church should deal with them like they would deal with a drug addict, or a drunkard, or a couple living together and unwed.  They all have a sin problem and that has to be resolved.  There is forgiveness but there cannot be continuance!    That applies to alcohol, immorality, addiction or homosexual practice or any other sin category.                     The continuing conversation and dialog should be  that men need to deal with men and women need to deal with women.  Some one of the same gender needs to be the one to initiate and carry on the conversation.  These persons need to feel or have a burden for this kind of contact and to have some training in this area either by books on the subject or classes along this line.  This requires some  pre-planning so that you have people prepared to dialog with such parties and even material at hand to pass on to them to help them find the answers they are seeking. They need to be clear in their understanding of what the Scriptures say on this matter and what the stance of this body of believers is along these lines be it homosexuality, or immorality, or addiction to drugs or alcohol, etc.  Christians should show compassion but take a firm position that homosexuality and other sexual sins are just that — sin.  There is a saying we have in Southern circles, it is: “We just love people to death.” — but as Christians, we need to “Love them to life instead of loving them to death!”   Most people, including  pastors and church leaders, are afraid to talk to someone  about this type of sin because they don’t want to offend families who might have someone living in this life style. In our present culture there is hardly any family that is untouched by this sin.  It is a really touchy subject and one motivated at times by membership and money.  That is why the church’s position and the pastor’s preaching must be clear and is such an integral part of giving those in this dilemma a clear biblical point of reference and background regarding this type of sin.            Questions that should be asked are do they, or are they, willing to take responsibility for their actions, or do they tend to blame someone else?  Are they willing to submit to a time of restoration,   not of their choosing,  but a time those they are accountable to set for them?  Each situation will be different but with an attitude of humility, and a willingness to be restored those entangled can find forgiveness and restoration in their lives and in time the life of the local congregation.          The vast majority of homosexuals are not the ones you see on TV News programs.  Most live quiet unassuming lives and want to just be left alone.  The “activists” are considered as “elitists” and they are the ones challenging the status quo and forcing the LGBTQ coalition agenda.  Many associate homosexuality with men but the statistics indicate clearly, more women are involved in same-sex relationships than are men.            Penny Nance heads up Concerned Women for America and is a noted Christian leader in national evangelical circles.  Nance agreed that Christians should show compassion and love to everyone but at some point the church has to deal with any and all sin.  She said, “The church’s roll is to teach us God’s Word, to point out our sin and to make us uncomfortable in it and show us Jesus is the only way to eternal life.  That is why it is so important to find a church where the pastor speaks the truth.”              When someone falls into sexual sin the goal of the church is to always help them be restored in their relationship with God and with others.  Sexual sins always involve others.  The same is true with the specific sin of homosexuality.  Restoring those involved in sexual sin depends on their willingness to receive help, guidance and direction.  The church and Christians in particular need to show compassion at all times, but Christians are called to fellowship with other believers and there is a vast difference between fellowship and fraternity or friendship.  Our job as Christians is to love and introduce the lost to the true Word of God.  We are called to love even those who do not accept Jesus as Lord or His Word in their life, but that doesn’t mean we need to fellowship with them or allow them to assume leadership roles of any kind in the life of the church if they refuse to live up to God’s Word.           Is it possible for a person who struggles against homosexual desires and temptations to be a Christian?  Yes, it is possible.  However, the description “gay Christian” is not accurate for such a person, since he/she does not truly desire to  live that life, but is struggling against the temptations.  Such a person is not a “gay Christian,” but is simply a struggling Christian, just as there are Christians who struggle with fornication and other temptations.  If the phrase “gay Christian” refers to a person who actively, perpetually, and unrepentantly lives such a homosexual lifestyle”, the answer is,  “NO,” it is not possible for such a person to truly be a Christian.              * (Drafted for presentation at the November 2015, Camp Lyons Retreat Meeting. –  R.M.Bradley, Drafter.)